I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. How much time I have left and how I want to spend that time. How my time is finite on this earth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In all honesty (and I will always be honest with you readers) I have always thought a lot about time. I have felt like I haven’t had enough time since my high school days. As an A++ overachiever, which is what my social worker\/therapist refers to me as, there wasn’t enough time for school work + cross country\/track + babysitting + dance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To give you an idea of how intense I was even as an adolescent – I sacrificed my lunch period so I could take both acting and choir along with all my required classes during my freshman year of high school. I mean really, come on, thats just excessive. I didn’t even enjoy either of those classes that much! Certainly not more than I enjoy food!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I could go back and give myself some advice I would say “you have nothing to prove, don’t push yourself so hard… enjoy your life!” I could go on about how there didn’t feel like enough time in college or medical school or residency, but honestly I just don’t feel like it. It would probably be boring for you to read and for me to write. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Furthermore, since we are on the topic of time, I don’t know how much time I have to write this blog entry before my sweet boy wakes up. I actually started writing this yesterday morning, but my baby boy woke up two sentences in. I never found the time in the day to return to writing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How do I think about time now? Ironically, it feels endless to me now. This is counterintuitive I know, since if you read my first entry you know my life expectancy is about 1 – 2 years. But, for the first time since I was a child I am spending my time the way that I want to. How fortunate! There are very few people on this earth who has the means to do this. Please let that sink in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My days now consist of rolling around on the floor with my son laughing and playing with blocks. It includes play dates with close friends and their children. My husband and I go on walks with our son in the stroller every evening that the weather permits. I am on the precipice looking out into the abyss, but I am living my life. My time feels like it did when I was a child – mine to do with what I want. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, I am still a mom, so there isn’t enough time to ever get caught up with the laundry or dishes. But, who cares? I’m alive and I know love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This seems like a good place to stop for now. Who knows how much time I have before my baby wakes up? I’m going to enjoy that time to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Until next time dear readers. Don’t forget, you can follow me on twitter @reluctantoptim. Love and light to you all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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