Outlook Not So Good

Other titles for this post included Onto The Next or Not so Optimistic. Well, dear readers I think our time is soon coming to an end. More importantly, I think my time is soon coming to an end.

Since I last posted I have developed a cough. Actually, I had a cough before I last posted, but I originally didn’t think much of it. Until it persisted. So, I informed my oncologist’s office and had a CT scan done a month earlier than was originally planned. That was a little over a week ago. The CT scan showed progression of my cancer. I now have a pleural effusion (fluid buildup in my lung lining) in my right lung as well as increased and bigger nodules in my lungs.

I saw the CT scan of my chest – it looks pretty gnarly. That is my medical opinion of course. So, the first treatment that they put me on for my metastatic disease failed horribly. Let’s take a look back down memory lane and see all the treatment I have endured, shall we?

I have had adriamycin with cyclophosphamide and taxol with carboplatin for my initial chemotherapy regimen. After that I had a bilateral mastectomy with removal of 20 lymph nodes in my right axilla. Then I endured 28 sessions of radiation to my chest. I finished radiation on May 1st. A couple weeks after that I started xeloda for one cycle and exemestane. I was diagnosed with metastatic disease on August 1st. Then on August 3rd, I started lynparza, which according to my oncologist is a “game changer.” I was originally diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer on August 10, 2018. It is now October 5, 2019 and my cancer cells are proliferating, barely slowed down by any of this treatment.

So on Monday, September 30th, I started a new regimen. This one is supposedly another “game changer.” In all honesty, I’m not too optimistic at the moment. This regimen includes classic chemo paclitaxel plus immunotherapy in the form of tecentriq. I will have weekly treatment for three weeks with one week off and then repeat. Of course, repeating this regimen will only occur for however long this treatment works, you know, if it works at all.

So, my beloved readers, I am no longer optimistic. I am now being realistic. It looks like I am going to die. Probably soon. Probably within the next six months. Unless my cancer cells respond to some barbaric treatment.

I’m going to be honest with you all though, the treatment out there isn’t that good. You will all probably be surprised by this. I am a physician, and I was surprised by this. The adriamycin, or the red devil that it is known as in the cancer community, has been used since 1974. 19 FUCKING 74. That was before I was even born you guys. My mom had chemotherapy for stage IV ovarian cancer over 20 years ago and do you know what she was treated with? Taxol and carboplatin. The same toxic shit I got a little less than a year ago.

There is NO cure for metastatic breast cancer. None. The five year survival rate is 22%. So, I am in the process of getting my horses ready for sale. And by that, I mean I am going to start planning for what comes after my death. I am getting my affairs in order.

It fucking sucks. It breaks my fucking heart. But it really doesn’t look good. I had treatment on Monday and my symptoms from my cancer are no better and actually worse. My cough is worse and my coughing spells upset my son, which breaks my heart. I can’t sleep on my right side, because when I lay on my right side I can’t get enough air. All of this fucking sucks. But, unless I miraculously respond to one of the medicines approved for metastatic breast cancer, I will be dead soon.

Incidentally, it happens to be breast cancer awareness month. Some people have reached out to me and want to know how they can help. One good way is to give to a charity called Metavivor. It was founded by four women who were living with metastatic breast cancer. Of those four, only one of those women is still alive. All of its donations go to research for a cure for stage 4 breast cancer. The site is: https://www.metavivor.org

Love and light to you all, dear readers.